vendor asked me how old I was and if I was married. When I told him 28 and no he was all like what's wrong you better get a move on then I mentally punched him

Burnin' Down the House

A few years ago I was in a semi-relationship with a guy we will call "J". He was sweet, but also had this other personality I called "Scary J". If I made him mad, even if it was something small it was like the Incredible Hulk turning green and ripping his clothes. I would immediately start looking for the nearest nuclear fall-out shelter and hoping it had supplies to last me through winter. No, I was never scared that he would actually hurt me or do me harm in any way but OH. MY. GOD. the rage!!

While "Scary J" wasn't fun it was "Let's-Get-Married-And-Have-Babies-Right-Now J"that eventually made me pack up all the pieces of that relationship and set them on fire with gasoline. Oh, and a blow torch.

After fighting hard to get out of it (even going so far as stretching the truth and telling him I was moving out of state and making him cry) I freakin' e-mailed him a few weeks ago. Yep, I drug him back into my life. Why you ask? Because I am a woman and sometimes we just need to hear somebody, anybody say that they care. And because I'm a woman and sometimes I'm crazy.

Finally, after the longest three days of my life he e-mailed me back. It was short and to the point, nothing really astounding, but the last sentence made me smile more than I have in a long time. "I have missed talking to your mean butt". He gets me.

I have the blow torch on standby just in case.

Ways to Annoy Me #2

Talk in childish voices ALL the time. And whenever you come to our building you feel the need to disrupt everyone and everything. You need extreme attention and please stop seeking it here. I feel the need to body slam you off the back porch on a daily basis.

Also, I promise my blog has not became just ways to annoy/charm me. I will be back with a real blog post soon.

Ways to Annoy Me #1

Whine everyday over and over and over about the same thing. Kill. Me. Now.

Ways to Charm Me #2

Buy me crackwater (SoBe Lifewater) because you happen to notice they have my favorite flavor while you are in the store buying cigs.

Ways to Charm Me #1

Tell me that same stupid 'Three legged dog' joke because you know it makes me smile when I'm feeling down. It's not that the joke is even remotely funny, but it has became "our thing".

Who I Am

Recently, my father was diagnosed with bladder cancer. Having watched a best friend - motherly figure and my mom die from cancer, I kind of expected this diagnosis.

When my mom was diagnosed I was sort of expecting it but at the same time I was still in a bit of shock. This time around even though it's my dad and I am a daddy's girl, things seem much clearer and I feel like I am handling it better.

The one thing that does bother me this time is how we as a family have became a diagnosis. No one calls just to chat, we've heard from family we haven't heard from since mom died and everyone immediately asks how my dad is and how am I "handling" it. It is not that I do not appreciate the thoughts, I really do. The problem is , I am still Tammy. My name isn't Cancer and I still have a life to live and a job to do.

Cancer doesn't make the world stop turning. Yes, it sucks! Yes, it makes things more hectic and you realize anew how precious life is. But at the same time I am still a daughter, aunt, sister and friend. Cancer makes life really shitty, but it doesn't change who you are.

Please, let my family and I be who we are. Don't treat me like I am so fragile I might break at any moment. I am still the person I was before, I just need a little more patience and probably a little more vodka these days.

In case you haven't noticed, when things get to painful I stop writing. I think it has something to do with actually dealing with (or maybe I should say NOT dealing with) what is going on.

I promise to be back soon, until then just dream about all the fun we will have when I tell you stories of new boys, old boys, lost boys and plans for sharks to eat a certain boy!