The Civil Wars

In lieu of an actual post here is a song from a group that I am IN LOVE with!!!!!!!! If you go back to some of my older posts you can see their video Poison and Wine. Words cannot describe.

29 Things

1. I started this list by writing "28 Things" at the top and then realized "holy crap I'm not 28 anymore".
   
   
2. I would love to open my own business but have only told one other person.
   
   
3. The phrase "mac n' cheese" makes my brain want to explode. Just say macaroni. How much time does it take to say MAC-A-RONI?
   
   
4. The word moist makes me feel icky.
   
   
5. I am fairly certain that I will never get married and that makes me a little sad.
   
   
6. I think I would be a kick ass contestant on big brother.
   
   
7. I can eat tomatoes as long as I don't have to see them. If I see them all bets are off and my stomach may start a revolt.
   
   
8. I once had carolers come to my house and when they were finished singing I said, "Umm...yeah...okay" and shut the door. Apparently, that was not the response they wanted.
   
   
9. I would love to write a book but am sure that it will never happen. Besides, what do I have to say that is so interesting?
   
   
10. When I was little I thought that I was adopted because my brother said that I was.
    
    
11. I cry if I see a funeral procession.
    
    
12. I HATE live CD's. I don't want to hear people screaming things like "I want you now Willie Nelson".
    
    
13. I don't listen to or want Willie Nelson.
    
    
14. I can't watch those commercials for toenail or cat claw clippers. They make me cringe and want to hurl.
    
    
15. I once told a doctor that my testicles were swollen. I meant tonsils. He still asks about it when I see him.
    
    
16. I like frozen coke. I like to put half cherry and half coke. The cherry has to be on the bottom though, cause if I see the cherry it freaks me out.
    
    
17. I will only go in the ocean up to my knees. There are SHARKS in there people!!!!
    
    
18. I get embarrassed very easy.
    
    
19. I once had my panties fall down while I was walking through Winn-Dixie. I was wearing a skirt.
    
    
20. I've never seen Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings or pretty much any other popular movie.
    
    
21. I could be an awesome vegetarian, except for the fact I love chicken.
    
    
22. When I am stressed my right eye twitches.
    
    
23. I sometimes have the humor of a 13 year old boy, I'm okay with that.
    
    
24. I fight crime from my office with Mrs. Lilly White and F-Bomb.
    
    
25. I have a cat named Marmalade. I commonly refer to her as Marmalade Pork Chop Wisdom.
    
    
26. Bookstores make me want to take my shoes off. Maybe I feel at home. Maybe I'm just "special".
    
    
27. I have never eaten a girl scout cookie.
    
    
28. Escalators totally freak me out. I do okay going up but coming down is what's bad.
    
    
29. I am a pretty good speller but if someone spells something to me out loud it's seriously like my brain shuts down and I'm like wait "d-r-i-v-e-t-h-r-u....d-r-i..okay drive. T-h-...I don't get it."

Unsaid

Back when I had my blog on MySpace, I wrote a blog that REALLY got things stirred up. I simply took things that I wanted to say to 10 people and wrote it out but never put who it was about. For days I had people guessing but being true to what I believe in I NEVER told what message belonged to who. So, that being said, are you ready for another round? Here we go:

1. Drama Queen! Good gracious you need to slow your role! Everything is the end of the world to you. I'm sorry but crap happens so move along. Also, you are a liar and that craps not cool. Grow up and put on your big girl panties.
   
   
2. I am learning more and more how alike we are. It's awesome! You have changed since we first met but I feel like even you would agree that it's a good thing. You are funny, thought provoking and genuine. You have your own opinions and would face 10 buzz saws to stand up for what you believe in. You Ma'am are the bees' knees.
   
   
3. You are harsh and someone to be handled with caution. I (nor most people I know) really ever know where they stand with you. You are jealous of anyone who might do something better than you. You show that jealousy in anger and immaturity. I really believe you are a good person at heart, just don't stab me in the back.
   
   
4. You. You, I don't even know where to begin. The circumstances are not good. The situation is worse, but somehow you are hanging in there. You have stuck with me through thick and thin. You've been in my life for years now and I never suspected things would lead to where they have. I don't know if it will work out, but I am willing to keep working at it. You keep telling me you love me even though you know I don't believe it. You sir, I hope you stick around.
   
   
5. Whine. Whine. Whine. Nag. Nag. Nag. It's annoying so stop.
   
   
6. You are awesome. I don't think you get told enough just how good of a kid you are. You are smart, athletic and hilarious. I am proud of you, always know that.
   
   
7. Why are you back? Why are you texting me again? No one yanked your chain so please move along with the other strays.
   
   
8. You are ridiculous. You have all of these dreams and aspirations and yet you do nothing about them. You can be a real $itch sometimes. You are fairly capable so how about showing it sometime.
   
   
9. Yes, I think you are an idiot.
   
   
10. You are like an A.D.D. person on speed. I feel like I am trying to corral 20 two year olds when you are around. You make me nervous and stress me out. Chillax or I might be forced to start slipping you meds.
    
    

Valentine's and Banjo Music

What's your go-to line when approached by someone you have no interest in dating? If you are anything like me it varies according to what the guy looks like. Small to medium build, normal looking guy: "I'm in a relationship". Big but normal looking guy: "I'm married....to a cop". The guy who asked me "TO BE HIS VALENTINE" (yes, those were his words) Saturday: "I'm married to an assassin who works as a ninja on the weekends and he's actually here, he's just being stealthy. Oh, and the last guy that talked to me was never seen or heard from again. Well, unless you count his tooth which my husband used to kill a great white shark in just one blow".

Big 'Un was at LEAST 6'9 and a good 350. Is that a problem? No, I like big guys. The problem was his trucker cap that accentuated the, what appeared to be, blood-stained overalls. His brown (may have actually been white in a former life) t-shirt went with his boots that were covered in what I am hoping was mud. With all of that you would think I would have been distracted from his face, but how do you miss a tear drop tattoo?

Okay lets pause right here so that you can all get a mental picture of what this fine specimen looked like. Nauseous?

Was I out in the fields when I met this man? No. Was I at a cow auction? Nope. I was out eating breakfast with my dad. Luckily, dad had gotten up from the table before Big 'Un decided to make his move.

His move you ask? Oh, why it was one of the best! He writes his number on a napkin, brings it to me and says "You's lookin' for a valentine, Sweetie?" I promise you my mouth fell open and I was silent so long I was certain he thought I was deaf, which would have been fine with me. My genius response, "Uh..umm..uh ..it's against my religion."

As Big 'Un stands there looking like I have just told him to figure out the square root of the number of teeth he has, I quickly gathered my purse and my phone and set the new world record for speed walking. I am almost out the door when I hear Big 'Un talking to the girl in the next booth, "You's lookin for a valentine, Sweetie?"

I give him one thing, he was persistent. Wish I could have said the same thing for his deodorant.

Cynicism: The Latest Fashion Accessory

I haven't really had time to blog this week, but I was looking through some of my old MySpace blogs and found this little ditty. It's raw. It's harsh. But it's me. It's the way I felt then and the way I still feel today.

First of all, I have no idea how to put into words exactly what I want to say. Secondly, I can't believe that I am about to post a blog about this.

I know that to many of you I have said things such as, " I don't want to date again. I'm not ready to date again" or my personal favorite "all men are idiots", but the truth is I really do want to try again. Hi there Masochist, I have missed you oh so very much! The problem is that no one wants to date me.

In the past month I have had friends and co-workers who have wanted to set me up. Timidly, I told them they could pass along my e-mail or cell phone number. I have talked to four different guys, three of which I really enjoyed talking to. Then of course comes the "Hey e-mail me a picture" moment that I HATE. So three times I e-mailed my picture. Once, I never heard back from the guy and twice I heard varying versions of " I don't think you are my type."

I should be used to it by now. I grew up dealing with it my entire life. No one wants to be around the girl with the ugly smile.

Yes, I have a weight problem, that one is my fault. The teeth, well god did that. I had no control.

I know most of you are thinking that I should just have it fixed but I can't afford it. Now that I am older it's just going to cost more than if my parents had had it done.

In the society we live today no one cares about how good of a person you are. Today people care about how stick thin you are, the amount of money you have, and the type of car you drive. How cynical have we become?

Mr. Potato Head: The New Generation

Get ready ladies, tonight I have had an epiphany. Tonight I have came up with the best invention EVER. Something that will change the dating scene FOREVER. Build-a-beau.com. (Company name by SAHMx2, cause she totally rocks the juice box).

Tonight while eating pizza and chit chatting I looked up to see SAHMx2's daughter playing a game on the computer. You start out with a blank face and then you get to click and add all of the facial features however you like them. That is when the epiphany hit.

Can you imagine just being able to log on, start with a blank slate and then after a few clicks TADA? Want a man with blue eyes? Click. Want a man with a killer personality but isn't an actual serial killer? Click. Click. Want a man with a big...nose? Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. The possibilities are endless!!

When you are all finished just click print and TADA. He is brand new. Untouched. No baggage. Still has that new man smell!!! Can I get an AMEN??? (and a small business loan)

The New Look

Come on in, sit back and relax a spell. I threw a new coat of paint on the walls and straightened up a bit. I think it's a lot better than the dark and depressing look I had going on before. There are still a few things I am going to do, but for now enjoy the scenary. Thanks guys. Oh and for your entertainment: