Tampons and Oreos

There is about to be some serious girl talk, so fellas read on if you dare.

My tampons have inspirational messages written on their packaging. (And just like that 5 men stopped reading and lost their lunch). It's no secret to some of my friends how bad this bothers me. When I open a new tampon I sometimes send out "Tampon Quote of the Day" text messages. They all have these nifty, sporty quotes. (duh they're sport tampons. I'm not sporty but a bargain is a bargain. And isn't competitive Cheeto eating a sport?) Things like, "Go for the goal", "Keep doing what you do best", and my personal favorite "Get out there and show 'emm what you got" . What I got is my period! I'm not showing that!

If real women were writing these I believe they would say things like "Put down the jar of Nutella and the taser", "The crying will stop soon" and "Lorena Bobbit didn't get away with it".

Until they let me start writing the quotes I will be over here fondling oreos.

My Current Obsessions

Here is a list of my current obsessions:

1) Captain Crunch: If its good enough for the Captain, it's good enough for me.

2) Postsecret.com : This is my favorite website. The first thing I do every Sunday morning is look at the new secrets. It is like an addiction.

3) My Kindle: I've even given her a name. It's my most committed relationship.

4) Cupcake recipes: OMG. I think I have looked at every cupcake recipe out there.

5) Ice coffee: It completes me.

6) Purity by Philosophy face wash: I have converted numerous people to this. It's like crack for my face. Well, except it only does good things.

7) Beef Jerky: I'm anemic. It's medicinal. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

8) Finding Bigfoot: Not the act, but the show. I <3 Bo Bo!!!

9) Angry Birds: Bird is the word.

10) Laying naked next to the freezer to recover from the heat.

Music Monday - Johnny Lang

Let me be honest for a moment, I REALLY wanted to use a Britney Spears vid for Music Monday this week. When I first started Music Monday I wanted to use music that isn't very popular, things you wouldn't normally hear on the radio. SO, in that spirit I present to you Johnny Lang - Lie To Me.

ENJOY!

Scuba Suits and Easy Cheese

I had lunch with some lovely ladies a few weeks ago. When we get together it's like a circus of words and it's amazing! The gift of gab, we have it. The conversation can go from church to trannys in a split second.

This particular day, the one subject I remember the most is "freak flags". While we didn't talk about our personal flags (I choose to believe we aren't freaks) we did talk about others that we knew.

Let's face it most people have a hidden freak. Some people enjoy having their hair pulled, role playing, weird positions or "golden showers" (YUCK). Whatever your freak flag is, let it fly! Just don't pull that shit without warning. Nobody wants to be surprised by easy cheese in their cha cha.

Faking It

I've been faking the happy a lot lately. Between drama at work (drama is an understatement), trying to get adjusted from the move (ohh yeah so my home got destroyed in the storms) and male drama; I have been anything but happy.

If you follow me on twitter you have saw the whining and the continuous pity parties (I am oh so very sorry and I promise to bring back the funny ASAP). To the rest of the world I am just as fat and happy as ever.

I've faked lots of things in my life. I've faked crying, smiling, anger and heck even orgasms but faking happy is the worst. So as I try to come back to this whole blogging thing, please be patient. Oh, and for the record, yes guys we girls all fake it sometimes....and I'm not talking about being happy. ;)

Chocolate Covered Crack

If you follow me on Twitter, you know my love for the crack heads. I realize its bad, but seriously these people act like the rest of us are calling the mothership.

A few nights ago Peaches and I were hanging out at the Dollar Tree (yeah, we like to keep it classy).

Like a ninja dropping out of a ceiling tile ,undetected, appeared the crackhead. She literally jumped in my face.

CH: HEY DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE HOT CHOCOLATE IS?!?!?!?!?
ME: Umm.....
CH: OH MY GOD, I LOVE YOUR EARRINGS. I MADE THAT DESIGN. SEE... showing me her wrist with a ginormous design just like my earrings.

ME: ...........

CH: WHERE DID YOU GET THESE, I JUST LOVE THEM. I MAKE EARRINGS AND SCARVES AND ALL OF THESE REALLY NEAT THINGS AND IS THE HOT CHOCOLATE DOWN HERE?

ME: Umm.......

And the crackhead walks off mumbling. Peaches and I couldn't do anything but stand there in stunned silence, we may have laughed A LOT too. Always be prepared for a Ninja Crackhead attack.

P.S. This picture is in fact NOT of the crackhead. This is some random girl that shows up where I am sometimes.

Norah Jones - What Am I To You?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I haven't blogged in a while and blah blah blah. Well, get over it. In the meantime enjoy this great song from an amazing artist that I have loved for YEARS.




Enjoy!