Friday, October 9, 2009

The Reason I'm Alone

For those of you who follow me on facebook, this is the blog that I mentioned in my status a few days ago. I am really not sure how long ago I wrote this, but I will say it has probably been a year.

The Reasons I'm Okay Being Alone:

~ Once upon a time I was told I wasn't pretty enough so I avoid dating.

~ My libido doesn't itch much lately. And if it does I can scratch it myself , thank you very much.

~ I have a blackberry. It can keep me company anywhere I might be and if it gets on my nerves there is an off button.

~ I don't like having my heart broken.

~ I think I have passed my shelf date.

~ I don't want a bikini wax.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Halloween Safety

As Halloween approaches I thought that I would take time to list a few safety rules for trick-or-treating. Safety first!

1.) Don't worry with a flashlight. It takes up to much room. You need your hands free to hold the eggs that will be thrown at old women who give out crackers and fruit.

2.) If your child's costume calls for a fake knife don't waste your money. Give them a real one. Who wants to be the parent with a wimpy kid? Be the parent that can say "My kid shanked your kid".

3.) If your child falls down a well use fish line and a paperclip to retrieve their goody bag. No one likes wet candy.

4.) Make sure to check your child's candy for razor blades, meth, weed, pipe, etc. Save these items for your own "treat bag". Momma doesn't share the good stuff.

5.) Do not stick to well lit, well known areas. The darker streets and alleys will provide for more treats as listen in #4.

6.) Once your child is home, ensure he/she knows the term "puking rally". All candy is to be consumed. Momma doesn't like a quitter.