Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Push and Pull

This was originally posted on my myspace blog on April 3, 2007

As he walked me to my car my heart began to beat faster. The night had been everything I wanted it to be. Dinner, movie, walk in the moonlight. We even stopped for ice cream as we strolled by all the little shops. Now as I reach for the door handle his hand closes over mine.

I pull. He pushes.

I turn to look at him and he smiles his naughty smile. He pushes me back against the car as his lips find their way to my lips. My neck. I pull him closer.

One moment leads to another and before I realize it we are in his house. He pushes me down onto the bed and I pull him to me.

One kiss becomes two. Two becomes three and before long we are entwined together. Inseparable. I pull his tie off. He pushes my jacket off my shoulders. Things begin to heat up. I hear a noise in the distance. Something I can't quiet figure out. His lips move down my neck. My chest. That sound still penetrates my thoughts. An alarm clock? Where is it coming from? His hands push at my pants. I pull his shirt off.

Things start fading. The sound gets louder.

Slowly I open my eyes to the sunlight pouring into the room. I look around and realize I am in my bed. Alone. I take a deep breath and push the button on the alarm clock and pull myself out of bed.

What a way to start a morning!

Pain with your Pleasure

This was originally posted on my myspace blog 10-28-08

Person 1: You have a gigantic hickey on your neck.
Person 2: It's not a hickey...It's a bite mark.
Person1: Is there a difference?

Is there a difference? WTH?!?! Shame for even asking! Yes, there is a difference. And I will explain and enlighten since, you know, I've got nothing real to write about.

Hickeys Suck:
There are several ways to get a hickey. Anything that sucks will do the trick. A vacuum hose, even a coffee mug that you've sucked to your chin will leave a mark. Umm yeah it sucks big ones...marks that is. Though, clearly the preferred method is suction from another persons mouth. A visible hickey is, like acne, an adolescent marker. To quote an experienced friend, it is "a concerted effort to brand one another" and is for teenagers fumbling around in backseats of their parents cars. Hickeys are soggy and require something of a time investment--quite a bit of sucking goes into a decent sized marker.

Bite Me!
Precursor to a kiss, a little nip in the heat of passion may leave the same tell-tale bruising as the aforementioned hickey, but bite marks are a different beast all together. Biting is not kids' stuff. It's sweaty, heady, a litte pain-with-your-pleasure, I-want-to-devour you stuff. It's quick, surprising and worth the investment of a good all purpose silk scarf if concealment becomes necessary. Or it's a sign you are dating a vampire. Either way, it's hot

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Music Monday - Pistol Annies

Soooooooooo some of you may have heard me joke about needing a sugar daddy, this song will make you want one too!


Saturday, August 13, 2011

Tampons and Oreos

There is about to be some serious girl talk, so fellas read on if you dare.

My tampons have inspirational messages written on their packaging. (And just like that 5 men stopped reading and lost their lunch). It's no secret to some of my friends how bad this bothers me. When I open a new tampon I sometimes send out "Tampon Quote of the Day" text messages. They all have these nifty, sporty quotes. (duh they're sport tampons. I'm not sporty but a bargain is a bargain. And isn't competitive Cheeto eating a sport?) Things like, "Go for the goal", "Keep doing what you do best", and my personal favorite "Get out there and show 'emm what you got" . What I got is my period! I'm not showing that!

If real women were writing these I believe they would say things like "Put down the jar of Nutella and the taser", "The crying will stop soon" and "Lorena Bobbit didn't get away with it".

Until they let me start writing the quotes I will be over here fondling oreos.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

My Current Obsessions

Here is a list of my current obsessions:

1) Captain Crunch: If its good enough for the Captain, it's good enough for me.

2) Postsecret.com : This is my favorite website. The first thing I do every Sunday morning is look at the new secrets. It is like an addiction.

3) My Kindle: I've even given her a name. It's my most committed relationship.

4) Cupcake recipes: OMG. I think I have looked at every cupcake recipe out there.

5) Ice coffee: It completes me.

6) Purity by Philosophy face wash: I have converted numerous people to this. It's like crack for my face. Well, except it only does good things.

7) Beef Jerky: I'm anemic. It's medicinal. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

8) Finding Bigfoot: Not the act, but the show. I <3 Bo Bo!!!

9) Angry Birds: Bird is the word.

10) Laying naked next to the freezer to recover from the heat.