Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
I have heard this song a million times on commercials for, I think, some cruise line. Every time I heard it I wanted to blow up the television. Saturday, I had just left Walmart when it came on the radio. Right as I was about to turn the station I heard the first line: "Here we go again. I kinda wanna be more than friends". Ummm HELLO!!!!!!! This is exactly what was going on between The Boy and I. We have been going through this for about nine years and at that exact moment I had no idea what he wanted anymore. So here ya go. Enjoy!!!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
P.S. Anyone else wanna hold this dude down and wash his hair?
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Redheaded Wonder: Ok, so it lives in the zoo. It stands on one leg (she draws her leg up as if she were only standing on one, she’s sitting) and it’s pink.
Me: Umm a Ninja Turtle (I’ve had an odd fascination with the Ninja Turtles lately).
RW: Giving me a look like I had just asked her to recite Pi. Umm no. Mom your turn.
This wonderful game continues for awhile with me of course saying all the wrong answers.
RW: Okay Mimi, I’m going to give you an easy one. It lives in the zoo (apparently everything lives in the zoo). It‘s white and has black stripes.
Me: Ummm a rhinoceros.
RW: No Mimi. It starts with a ZZZZZ sound.
Me: Hmmm…..OHH I know a Znake.
RW: Mimi, you should really go back to school.
Me: Okay, I am going to give you one. It lives in the sewer….
RW: before I can even finish my sentence she throws her hands in the air and says….. A SHARK!!!!!!
I am a great educational resource. Ya know, I was going for a Ninja Turtle but she said shark with so much enthusiasm that it couldn’t have been anything else.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
I usually don't watch previews but while looking for the remote I heard this song playing and immediately had to stop to look at the preview. The preview was for the movie Tangled. I think it's something like Rapunzel or something but holy crap there is an animated children's movie with a Pink song!
I had actually forgotten how much I love love love this song. Considering that I have four different people in my life that call me Trouble on a regular basis, maybe I should make this my theme song. Everyone should have their own theme song, right?
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Sometimes sunshine and rainbows turns into tears and fears and your friends all have children and husbands. You call them on the phone for just a word of encouragement and to talk about the scary stuff but you end up listening to the cries for "mommy" and stories of childhood drama. You end up alone and sobbing, the fears still hidden in the deep caverns of your mind. You find yourself laying in the dark, tears streaming down your face, praying for the dawn.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
Today I saw this video and could not help but think about my friend. Yes, this video is about a relationship falling apart but still I believe some days that Mrs. Lily White would burn this sucker down.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
This morning while working I looked down and noticed that it was only 9 A.M. and I had already taken my jewelry off. While I like wearing it, typing with all the bling drives me crazy. Later on I opened my desk drawer and noticed something. I removed pieces of bling from desk until I had this layed out in front of me
I think I have a molting problem. What do you think?
Saturday, October 2, 2010
October is Breast Cancer Awareness month and Domestic Violence Awareness month, another thing that I unfortunately know way to much about from a personal perspective.
Today's song is I Run for Life by Melissa Etheridge. I LOVE THIS. When it comes on my ipod I crank it loud and think about all the women AND men effected by not only breast cancer (men can have it too) but all types of cancer. I hope you enjoy this song and also, remember that the American Cancer Society and the Susan G Komen Breast Cancer Foundation are two great groups working to help find a cure. I know there are others out there, but these are the two that I have worked with and really enjoyed.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is happy with her life now. She has two beautiful girls and a husband that she loves beyond measure. No, she's not still preoccupied with the 80's like the woman in this song but I still can't help but think that she would like to shake her ass on the hood of Whitesnake's car.
So to you Cupcake Slayer:
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
I promise to post no videos of me dancing. It would look a lot like this:
So this is my favorite song right now. I know that it is depressing but there is just something I love about it. Enjoy!.
Friday, September 10, 2010
For almost five years I fell deeper and deeper in love with someone I knew I would never have anything 'real' with. The saddest part is I let him do the same, but he had no idea it could never be.
A few days ago, my ipod started playing this song (The song in this clip starts at about the one minute mark):
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
1.) Bright pink highlighters.
2.) Dove dark chocolate promises.
3.) Baby giggles. Just make sure you keep those little suckers to your self.
4.) The beach.
5.) Lined notebooks. (I have a little addiction.)
6.) Ice coffee
7.) Cute flip flops.
8.) Art in pretty much any form.
9.) Funky colored nail polish.
10.) Good friends and good laughs.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
Thursday, July 8, 2010
It started a few weeks ago. Just a "Hey, how are you?" texts and then he would be gone for another 24 to 48 hours. Then last week I got the standard "Hey, you wanna ride over?" After waiting for my reply for about 30 minutes he then says "Well, I guess not." Really, there boy genius? It took you 30 minutes to figure that one out? Hmm, slow would be a compliment.
Anyway, last night after a few unsettling texts with the Gingerman, TRC sends me a text and boy is it a nuclear warhead: "Why don't you come over? I could use the company and I'll set the alarm for in the morning".
Do we have a nuclear fall out shelter in the area? Cause he dropped the bomb on me for sure.
Me: And you promise to not let me be late for work?
TRC: I promise. Scouts honor.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
The Midget: I sincerely do not want you to shuffle off this mortal coil. But I know that if you did, it would totally be the best death EVER.
Me: I intend for there to be PLENTY of weeping and wailing. And maybe string instruments.
The Midget: I will tear my clothes asunder in utter, inconsolable grief.
Me: Awesome. I'll put you in the program. I need someone to gnash their teeth, too. Maybe The Cupcake Slayer? Just make sure to pay her by giving her dibs on all my stuff.
The Midget: Good thinking. Do you want us to serve red, white, or blush?
Me: Whatever goes best with pizza rolls.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
A List of Little Known "Facts" About Miss Runs on Coffee:
- She once tasered Chuck Norris. He then pissed his pants causing the Dec 26th 2004 tsunami.
- MROC is the co-founder of "Hey, is this shit flammable" and also "Hey, where's the damn fire extinguisher".
- She was once jailed for attacking and kidnapping an entire bus of Australian men and one Jasper fireman.
- While on her way to buy a pack of cigs she once stopped to help a man change a tire on his Ford. After changing said tire she took his keys away and informed him, "Once you grow a pair and can change your own damn tire then you can have your keys back. And pull your pants up your panties are showin'".
- She was co-chairman of "Hey let's TP our boss' office". Then oversaw the clean-up of "OMG, where did this TP come from. This crap stinks".
- She once fought a pack of rabid ninjas for a peanut butter pie. The ninjas have never been heard from again.
- For several months she accosted her boss by throwing bananas in her yard. The husband of said boss became so distraught and mentally incapacitated he grew what appeared to be Chewbacca on his face.
- She once destroyed two whole blocks by setting off a grenade to kill one wasp. The wasp's family was later questioned and would only mumble the word "Hitler".
- She once threatened to "cut a man" over a large order of cheese fries. Upon being questioned the man said " She had this look in her eye that said ' I will cut you and eat cheese fries over your cold dead body'." The man has never been heard from again and is believed to be in a witness protection program.
- She made me miss her before she was even gone. Cry knowing she was leaving. And smile knowing she is my friend.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Dear Skanky Kate:
It is no secret around here that I am one of your biggest fans. (Please note the sarcasm). This whole Dancing with the STARS thing has really gotten on my nerves. Now I know that most of the "stars" on this show are majorly B list but you! YOU!!!! You aren't even on the list.
Kate, here are a list of things that you are famous for. You tell me if this qualifies as celebrity status:
- You gave birth to two bobsled teams or just one baseball team. Either way it makes you famous cause your parts work. Well la ti freakin' da.
- You had a backwards mullet, ON PURPOSE! Listen here in the south it's business in the front and party in the back. I don't know what hairdresser you pissed off but party on the side and business on the other side and flock of seagulls in the back is not how anyone should roll. Well, unless they are rolling straight up out the mental ward.
- You flip out on your husband, children, dance partner, paparazzi, dog, cousin, uncle, aunt....Sorry this list could take a while so maybe I should just say you go crazy on everyone.
- You apparently screwed your bodyguard. Umm A) Why do you have a bodyguard? Is it to protect you from your own children because seriously no one is coming within miles of the F-ullet ( f'd up mullet)? B) He was probably the last man who would want to come within 50 miles of your cha cha and you screwed it up. And word is that now you are chasing the Hof. Seriously Kate? The Hof? He is one drunken, hamburger eating fiasco away from molesting a dog and you want a piece of that?
I sit here and I read back through and think about your life and all I can think is, are you sure you and Britney Spears aren't related? Maybe you should see if you could setup a play date between all the kids. God knows it would be better on them to meet now rather than in some therapist office in a few years.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Friday, April 30, 2010
Miss Runs on Coffee: What is a friendly disease?
Me: An STD.
Miss Runs on Coffee: Yeah, I was thinking syphilis.
Me: People tend to be "friendly" while they are getting it.
Mrs. Independent: Can you get it from facebook?
Me: Possibly, but all of myspace is definitely one big STD.
Me: Okay here are the bubbles and the balls for the relay bags.
Mrs. Lilly White: (look of horror while trying to hide the fact that she was laughing uncontrollably)
Me: What?!? That's how I roll.
Mrs. Lilly White: (still more uncontrollable laughter)
Me: Okay, so if we run out of balls then we will just have children with no balls.
Mrs. Lilly White: (nothing was really said just more laughter and I am fairly certain she almost peed her pants)
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Now I have known this man for about 11 years so my first thought was 'No I will not pull your finger'.
When I look over he is holding his phone up with a picture on it. At first glance I didn't realize who it was. Melissa Etheridge? Chaz Bono? Ellen Degeneres? Ryan Seacrest? Oh, wait that's Rickey Martin. Then I read the title of the article Ricky Martin Announces To Internet He is Gay! Umm....Yahoo! say what?
Seriously, I thought we had established this at least five years ago. It was like if Richard Simmons had hosted a press conference to announce he was coming out of his glittery, spandex filled closet. Or Salt Lake City suddenly announcing there are polygamist living within their kinky borders. Somethings just don't have to be said...again.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
- I started this list by writing "28 Things" at the top and then realized "holy crap I'm not 28 anymore".
- I would love to open my own business but have only told one other person.
- The phrase "mac n' cheese" makes my brain want to explode. Just say macaroni. How much time does it take to say MAC-A-RONI?
- The word moist makes me feel icky.
- I am fairly certain that I will never get married and that makes me a little sad.
- I think I would be a kick ass contestant on big brother.
- I can eat tomatoes as long as I don't have to see them. If I see them all bets are off and my stomach may start a revolt.
- I once had carolers come to my house and when they were finished singing I said, "Umm...yeah...okay" and shut the door. Apparently, that was not the response they wanted.
- I would love to write a book but am sure that it will never happen. Besides, what do I have to say that is so interesting?
- When I was little I thought that I was adopted because my brother said that I was.
- I cry if I see a funeral procession.
- I HATE live CD's. I don't want to hear people screaming things like "I want you now Willie Nelson".
- I don't listen to or want Willie Nelson.
- I can't watch those commercials for toenail or cat claw clippers. They make me cringe and want to hurl.
- I once told a doctor that my testicles were swollen. I meant tonsils. He still asks about it when I see him.
- I like frozen coke. I like to put half cherry and half coke. The cherry has to be on the bottom though, cause if I see the cherry it freaks me out.
- I will only go in the ocean up to my knees. There are SHARKS in there people!!!!
- I get embarrassed very easy.
- I once had my panties fall down while I was walking through Winn-Dixie. I was wearing a skirt.
- I've never seen Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings or pretty much any other popular movie.
- I could be an awesome vegetarian, except for the fact I love chicken.
- When I am stressed my right eye twitches.
- I sometimes have the humor of a 13 year old boy, I'm okay with that.
- I fight crime from my office with Mrs. Lilly White and F-Bomb.
- I have a cat named Marmalade. I commonly refer to her as Marmalade Pork Chop Wisdom.
- Bookstores make me want to take my shoes off. Maybe I feel at home. Maybe I'm just "special".
- I have never eaten a girl scout cookie.
- Escalators totally freak me out. I do okay going up but coming down is what's bad.
- I am a pretty good speller but if someone spells something to me out loud it's seriously like my brain shuts down and I'm like wait "d-r-i-v-e-t-h-r-u....d-r-i..okay drive. T-h-...I don't get it."
Friday, February 26, 2010
Back when I had my blog on MySpace, I wrote a blog that REALLY got things stirred up. I simply took things that I wanted to say to 10 people and wrote it out but never put who it was about. For days I had people guessing but being true to what I believe in I NEVER told what message belonged to who. So, that being said, are you ready for another round? Here we go:
- Drama Queen! Good gracious you need to slow your role! Everything is the end of the world to you. I'm sorry but crap happens so move along. Also, you are a liar and that craps not cool. Grow up and put on your big girl panties.
- I am learning more and more how alike we are. It's awesome! You have changed since we first met but I feel like even you would agree that it's a good thing. You are funny, thought provoking and genuine. You have your own opinions and would face 10 buzz saws to stand up for what you believe in. You Ma'am are the bees' knees.
- You are harsh and someone to be handled with caution. I (nor most people I know) really ever know where they stand with you. You are jealous of anyone who might do something better than you. You show that jealousy in anger and immaturity. I really believe you are a good person at heart, just don't stab me in the back.
- You. You, I don't even know where to begin. The circumstances are not good. The situation is worse, but somehow you are hanging in there. You have stuck with me through thick and thin. You've been in my life for years now and I never suspected things would lead to where they have. I don't know if it will work out, but I am willing to keep working at it. You keep telling me you love me even though you know I don't believe it. You sir, I hope you stick around.
- Whine. Whine. Whine. Nag. Nag. Nag. It's annoying so stop.
- You are awesome. I don't think you get told enough just how good of a kid you are. You are smart, athletic and hilarious. I am proud of you, always know that.
- Why are you back? Why are you texting me again? No one yanked your chain so please move along with the other strays.
- You are ridiculous. You have all of these dreams and aspirations and yet you do nothing about them. You can be a real $itch sometimes. You are fairly capable so how about showing it sometime.
- Yes, I think you are an idiot.
- You are like an A.D.D. person on speed. I feel like I am trying to corral 20 two year olds when you are around. You make me nervous and stress me out. Chillax or I might be forced to start slipping you meds.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
I know that to many of you I have said things such as, " I don't want to date again. I'm not ready to date again" or my personal favorite "all men are idiots", but the truth is I really do want to try again. Hi there Masochist, I have missed you oh so very much! The problem is that no one wants to date me.
In the past month I have had friends and co-workers who have wanted to set me up. Timidly, I told them they could pass along my e-mail or cell phone number. I have talked to four different guys, three of which I really enjoyed talking to. Then of course comes the "Hey e-mail me a picture" moment that I HATE. So three times I e-mailed my picture. Once, I never heard back from the guy and twice I heard varying versions of " I don't think you are my type."
I should be used to it by now. I grew up dealing with it my entire life. No one wants to be around the girl with the ugly smile.
Yes, I have a weight problem, that one is my fault. The teeth, well god did that. I had no control.
I know most of you are thinking that I should just have it fixed but I can't afford it. Now that I am older it's just going to cost more than if my parents had had it done.
In the society we live today no one cares about how good of a person you are. Today people care about how stick thin you are, the amount of money you have, and the type of car you drive. How cynical have we become?
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Tonight while eating pizza and chit chatting I looked up to see SAHMx2's daughter playing a game on the computer. You start out with a blank face and then you get to click and add all of the facial features however you like them. That is when the epiphany hit.
Can you imagine just being able to log on, start with a blank slate and then after a few clicks TADA? Want a man with blue eyes? Click. Want a man with a killer personality but isn't an actual serial killer? Click. Click. Want a man with a big...nose? Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. The possibilities are endless!!
When you are all finished just click print and TADA. He is brand new. Untouched. No baggage. Still has that new man smell!!! Can I get an AMEN??? (and a small business loan)
Monday, February 1, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
As the afternoon has progressed things have gotten a little better. No longer do I feel like my anthem should be WWMPD. (For those who don't know WWMPD stands for What Would Miss Piggy Do? And I think she would be giving out karate-esque chops!) This afternoon I feel like a great improvement has been made. I have went from angry karate chops to angry Pink music while eating brownies. Yep, the future is so bright I gotta wear shades
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
A few nights ago, when all the bra colors were going around on facebook, things came to a crashing halt in my life. Three words on his FB comments and not the three you want to hear. “ You’re his wife….”. Those words hung like a raging storm cloud in front of me. His wife!
The man who for months now had told me how much he loved me. Had led me back to where I knew I didn’t belong. Led me to feeling love for him all over again. Told me all of the things he knew I would want to hear. We talked about of marriage, children, buying a home. A home that HE said he wanted my father to even be happy with so that he could live with us if he became too sick to live alone.
This man made an idiot out of me. I never, for this exact reason, talk about the men that I date. I don’t want to be THAT girl. The girl who finds out all the hopes she placed in a man are nothing but lies.
It stung. It was like getting a brazillian wax with duct tape.
This man, he knows me. He has been in my life for almost four years. So….To You, "J", you know I will make you have to face me. You know that I am not the type of girl who will just sit back with a box of Kleenex and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. As I write this I’m not only putting it in my blog, but I’ve got wifeys e-mail. She will be getting a copy of this and all of the texts and e-mails between you and I. I am sure the past few weeks of being married to you are about to take an interesting turn for her.
Run and hide mofo. Run and hide. Oh, and here’s hoping that you and your balls stay attached to one another because I really don’t see that happening.