Monday, September 19, 2011

Music Monday - Something About a Truck

I had forgotten about this song until today when a friend told me it would be available on Itunes next week.

I have to say there is something about a truck. :)

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Things I Dig

  1. Flea Markets.....not fleas.
  2. Dove Chocolate Promises. Such a stress reliever. That's my story!
  3. Stila Lip Gloss. Seriously, best stuff EVER.
  4. Scarves. It's that time of year!
  5. Backroads.
  6. Naps. Yes, I am 85 years old.
  7. Beef Jerky. It's medicinal I tell ya!
  8. Peace & quiet. I think I hear a bubble bath calling my name.
  9. Fall. The season not the the act of.
  10. When he kiss the dimple on my cheek.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Dunkin 'Nuts

Several weeks ago there was a news story about a prosti-ho who was running her "business" out of a Dunkin Doughnuts. Apparently, if you asked for "extra sugar" with your decaf coffee, you were given an entirely different Dunkin 'Nuts menu. On some occasions she would even give discounts on her services. Ya know, you do what you gotta do to make the Benjamin's but discounting your "goodies" is never the answer.

I wonder if she ever used the food in her "services". Something like a ring toss game or using the creme filling for other purposes. One thing is for sure, there is probably some man some where that asked for "extra sugar" and got a VERY big surprise. He is now their most loyal customer and has Type 2 diabetes.

Music Monday - Adele

So here is the Music Monday post.....on Tuesday. Sorry maybe one day I will get all my ducks in a row. I could blame it on my dad being in the hospital and the lack of time I've had but honestly.....there's a fella that I have been spending all my non-hospital time with. As most of you know I have a rule against talking about any current relationship I might be in. All I am going to say is he is amazing and I am happier than I can ever remember being.

SO moving on here is one of my favorite musicians, Adele. Honestly, I like the Garth Brooks version of this song much better but apparently you can only find it on the movie Hope Floats. Yes, I realize this is not a new trendy song or whatever but I'm liking it. Enjoy!

P.S. I apologize for how random it all sounds, but you try writing a post in a hospital with doctors, nurses and vampires coming in constantly.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Push and Pull

This was originally posted on my myspace blog on April 3, 2007

As he walked me to my car my heart began to beat faster. The night had been everything I wanted it to be. Dinner, movie, walk in the moonlight. We even stopped for ice cream as we strolled by all the little shops. Now as I reach for the door handle his hand closes over mine.

I pull. He pushes.

I turn to look at him and he smiles his naughty smile. He pushes me back against the car as his lips find their way to my lips. My neck. I pull him closer.

One moment leads to another and before I realize it we are in his house. He pushes me down onto the bed and I pull him to me.

One kiss becomes two. Two becomes three and before long we are entwined together. Inseparable. I pull his tie off. He pushes my jacket off my shoulders. Things begin to heat up. I hear a noise in the distance. Something I can't quiet figure out. His lips move down my neck. My chest. That sound still penetrates my thoughts. An alarm clock? Where is it coming from? His hands push at my pants. I pull his shirt off.

Things start fading. The sound gets louder.

Slowly I open my eyes to the sunlight pouring into the room. I look around and realize I am in my bed. Alone. I take a deep breath and push the button on the alarm clock and pull myself out of bed.

What a way to start a morning!

Pain with your Pleasure

This was originally posted on my myspace blog 10-28-08

Person 1: You have a gigantic hickey on your neck.
Person 2: It's not a hickey...It's a bite mark.
Person1: Is there a difference?

Is there a difference? WTH?!?! Shame for even asking! Yes, there is a difference. And I will explain and enlighten since, you know, I've got nothing real to write about.

Hickeys Suck:
There are several ways to get a hickey. Anything that sucks will do the trick. A vacuum hose, even a coffee mug that you've sucked to your chin will leave a mark. Umm yeah it sucks big ones...marks that is. Though, clearly the preferred method is suction from another persons mouth. A visible hickey is, like acne, an adolescent marker. To quote an experienced friend, it is "a concerted effort to brand one another" and is for teenagers fumbling around in backseats of their parents cars. Hickeys are soggy and require something of a time investment--quite a bit of sucking goes into a decent sized marker.

Bite Me!
Precursor to a kiss, a little nip in the heat of passion may leave the same tell-tale bruising as the aforementioned hickey, but bite marks are a different beast all together. Biting is not kids' stuff. It's sweaty, heady, a litte pain-with-your-pleasure, I-want-to-devour you stuff. It's quick, surprising and worth the investment of a good all purpose silk scarf if concealment becomes necessary. Or it's a sign you are dating a vampire. Either way, it's hot

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Music Monday - Pistol Annies

Soooooooooo some of you may have heard me joke about needing a sugar daddy, this song will make you want one too!


Saturday, August 13, 2011

Tampons and Oreos

There is about to be some serious girl talk, so fellas read on if you dare.

My tampons have inspirational messages written on their packaging. (And just like that 5 men stopped reading and lost their lunch). It's no secret to some of my friends how bad this bothers me. When I open a new tampon I sometimes send out "Tampon Quote of the Day" text messages. They all have these nifty, sporty quotes. (duh they're sport tampons. I'm not sporty but a bargain is a bargain. And isn't competitive Cheeto eating a sport?) Things like, "Go for the goal", "Keep doing what you do best", and my personal favorite "Get out there and show 'emm what you got" . What I got is my period! I'm not showing that!

If real women were writing these I believe they would say things like "Put down the jar of Nutella and the taser", "The crying will stop soon" and "Lorena Bobbit didn't get away with it".

Until they let me start writing the quotes I will be over here fondling oreos.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

My Current Obsessions

Here is a list of my current obsessions:

1) Captain Crunch: If its good enough for the Captain, it's good enough for me.

2) : This is my favorite website. The first thing I do every Sunday morning is look at the new secrets. It is like an addiction.

3) My Kindle: I've even given her a name. It's my most committed relationship.

4) Cupcake recipes: OMG. I think I have looked at every cupcake recipe out there.

5) Ice coffee: It completes me.

6) Purity by Philosophy face wash: I have converted numerous people to this. It's like crack for my face. Well, except it only does good things.

7) Beef Jerky: I'm anemic. It's medicinal. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

8) Finding Bigfoot: Not the act, but the show. I <3 Bo Bo!!!

9) Angry Birds: Bird is the word.

10) Laying naked next to the freezer to recover from the heat.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Music Monday - Johnny Lang

Let me be honest for a moment, I REALLY wanted to use a Britney Spears vid for Music Monday this week. When I first started Music Monday I wanted to use music that isn't very popular, things you wouldn't normally hear on the radio. SO, in that spirit I present to you Johnny Lang - Lie To Me.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Scuba Suits and Easy Cheese

I had lunch with some lovely ladies a few weeks ago. When we get together it's like a circus of words and it's amazing! The gift of gab, we have it. The conversation can go from church to trannys in a split second.

This particular day, the one subject I remember the most is "freak flags". While we didn't talk about our personal flags (I choose to believe we aren't freaks) we did talk about others that we knew.

Let's face it most people have a hidden freak. Some people enjoy having their hair pulled, role playing, weird positions or "golden showers" (YUCK). Whatever your freak flag is, let it fly! Just don't pull that shit without warning. Nobody wants to be surprised by easy cheese in their cha cha.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Faking It

I've been faking the happy a lot lately. Between drama at work (drama is an understatement), trying to get adjusted from the move (ohh yeah so my home got destroyed in the storms) and male drama; I have been anything but happy.

If you follow me on twitter you have saw the whining and the continuous pity parties (I am oh so very sorry and I promise to bring back the funny ASAP). To the rest of the world I am just as fat and happy as ever.

I've faked lots of things in my life. I've faked crying, smiling, anger and heck even orgasms but faking happy is the worst. So as I try to come back to this whole blogging thing, please be patient. Oh, and for the record, yes guys we girls all fake it sometimes....and I'm not talking about being happy. ;)

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Chocolate Covered Crack

If you follow me on Twitter, you know my love for the crack heads. I realize its bad, but seriously these people act like the rest of us are calling the mothership.

A few nights ago Peaches and I were hanging out at the Dollar Tree (yeah, we like to keep it classy).

Like a ninja dropping out of a ceiling tile ,undetected, appeared the crackhead. She literally jumped in my face.

ME: Umm.....
CH: OH MY GOD, I LOVE YOUR EARRINGS. I MADE THAT DESIGN. SEE... showing me her wrist with a ginormous design just like my earrings.
ME: ...........
ME: Umm.......
And the crackhead walks off mumbling. Peaches and I couldn't do anything but stand there in stunned silence, we may have laughed A LOT too. Always be prepared for a Ninja Crackhead attack.

P.S. This picture is in fact NOT of the crackhead. This is some random girl that shows up where I am sometimes.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Norah Jones - What Am I To You?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I haven't blogged in a while and blah blah blah. Well, get over it. In the meantime enjoy this great song from an amazing artist that I have loved for YEARS.


Sunday, March 13, 2011

Seether-Country Song

Warning: If you are expecting a country song, you might be sadly disappointed. Also I have no idea why I chose this song. No particular reason, just kinda thought it kicked butt. Enjoy!!!

Monday, March 7, 2011

Music Monday - Adele

I am in love with this song! Adele has an amazing voice. I highly recommend her new album 21.

Adele - Rolling in the Deep

And just because I love you guys so much here is another one off of 21.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Music Monday - WEEZER!!!!

It's a two for one special today!! I couldn't decide what song I wanted to post but I knew I wanted it to be Weezer.

First: Weezer - Buddy Holy. You've got Weezer, Happy Days and Fonzie doing some kind of weird Russian dance. HOW CAN THIS VIDEO DISAPPOINT?

Second: Weezer - Beverly Hills. You've got Weezer and Hef (not the Hof), ya know its gonna be awesome with Hef.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

My Ears Can't Handle It Anymore

An essential list of songs that need to be nixed because if I have to hear them one more time I might punch someone:

1.) Katy Perry – Firework: Ok, I liked this song but O.M.G it is on every commercial and the E! Pre-Grammy show played it 9,422 times. Just stop!

2.) Anything Taylor Swift has or will sing, EVER!

3.) Tonight-Enrique Iglesias: The other version of this song, however, always leaves me stunned.

4.) Blake Shelton- Who Are You When I’m Not Looking: I really like this song, but the radio stations are driving it in the ground.

5.) Black Eyed Peas- Dirty Bit: SHUT UP ALREADY!

6.) Usher- OMG: OMG is this your only song now! What happened to singing? If I have to hear you sing “Oh Oh Oh Oh” one more time I’m drivin to yo house and dottin your eye.

7.) Miranda Lambert-The House that Built Me: Every single time you say something about your favorite dog being buried in the yard I just think “eww”. If a stranger walked up on my steps and told me that, I might hand them a shovel and say dig him up.

8.) Lady Antebellum-Need You Now: I love Lady A, but I am beginning to think this is the only song they remember. I need you to shut up now!

9.) Eminem & Rihanna-Love the Way You Lie: I’m gonna set your bed on fire!

10.) Kenney Chesney: Every song you sing is about summertime, drinkin beer or football. YOU AREN’T IN HIGH SCHOOL ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Catfish and Curve Balls Pt. 2

When last we left our curly haired little girl she was having her heart re-started by a catfish and the man she spent so many nights thinking of was sitting next to her being a weirdo.

Later that night:

TRC: It was good seeing you tonight.
Me: It was good seeing you too.
TRC: You let your hair grow longer and its lighter.
Me: Yeah, I guess I did since the last time I saw you. You didn’t look so bad yourself.
TRC: Thanks. So when am I going to get to see you again?

There it is, the loaded question. Do I want to see him? Do I want to see if he really has changed? Do I want to know where his new house is so when this ends badly I can toilet paper his yard?

Me: When do you want to see me?
TRC: I want to see you as soon as you can come over.
Me: How about Saturday?
TRC: That sounds good. I will see you then.

Saturday night. Approximately 8 p.m. Standing at TRC’s door.

TRC: Well, well, well.
Me: What?
TRC: I never thought I would see you at my door.
Me: Well, I left some friends to be here so consider yourself lucky.
TRC: Come in and I will give you the grand tour.

To Be Continued......

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Dance Me to the End of Love - The Civil Wars

I know I have always been the Scrooge of Valentine's Day, but in honor of today I thought I would post this beautiful song for you to enjoy. Happy VD...I mean Valentine's Day.

Trace Adkins - This Ain't No Love Song

A) This man is sexy.

B) This song is great.

C) This man is sexy.

D) This video makes me want to do bad things to that sexy man.

E) Did I mention that this man is sexy?

Curve Balls and Catfish

A few nights ago while having dinner with The Secret Society (we are such a fabulous group of ladies we have to keep our meetings secret or else we may be hounded by the paparazzi), I turned around and saw TRC walk through the door. (I would have preferred the paparazzi). I believe my heart literally stopped beating for about a minute. I think the catfish I had just eaten had to swim up and give my heart a jump start. He and I had agreed on this whole “we can be friends” thing but never once did I think about what it would be like to run into him in public.

Should I pretend not to have seen him? Should I act like he doesn’t exist? Well, about ten seconds in to those thoughts my fingers did the thinking for me. Texting is dangerous when your brain has no control.

Me: Hey, I see you.
TRC: Ha. Ha. Ha. Whatever
Me: Well, let’s see. Red Alabama shirt, blue jeans and phone on your hip like you like it.
TRC: Where are you?
Me: Opposite side of restaurant, near bar.

The conversation ended for several minutes. My thoughts turned back to times when he wouldn’t meet my friends. Times when I was just his “friend with benefits”. Hmm…maybe we aren’t really friends after all.


TRC: If I come over will I ruin your image? LOL

Ummmm….WHAT? Come over? To the table? To the table where I am sitting with my friends!? Umm can you say CURVE BALL?

Me: Sure! Come on over.

As he walks to the table my heart stops again. That fish is really getting his workout tonight.

TRC: Hey. What’s up?
Me: Just hangin’out. Have a seat. Patting the seat next to me trying to act oh so non-chalant.

I introduce him to my friends, Thing 1 and Thing 2. We all make polite conversation and try to pretend that this is not the most awkward moment in the history of the world. Then, as if it weren’t awkward enough..

TRC: So I’m sure you guys have read about me in her blog.

Insert the most awkward of silences EVER!

TRC: I apologize for all that went on and she and I have talked about it and I believe we are okay. We are okay right?
Me: Finding a hard time finding the words to even say anything. Umm…yeah. We are good.

He apologized to my friends! WHAT THE HELL? As if this situation could not have gotten any more awkward HE APOLOGIZED TO MY FRIENDS.


Monday, January 31, 2011

Wildflower-Janedear Girls

Annnnnd we're back. I promise I am working on a real post, but thought I would get us back on our schedule by posting a Music Monday blog.

I found this song a few nights while cruising through I-tunes New and Notable section. Honestly, the only reason I clicked on it to hear the clip was because I had just had someone tell me I was a wildflower. After listening to it , I have no problem being a wildflower! Enjoy!

P.S. I apologize this isn't the actual video but some legal guru has blocked it from being embedded.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Jar of Hearts - Music Monday

You guys should know by now that if I fall in love with a new song more than likely the video is going to be weird. Today's song is no different. It has weird graphics, interpretive dance and a Kat Von D look alike. That said, I LOVE LOVE LOVE this song. You all know my struggles with a certain boy by now. TRC comes back, acts normal for five seconds and then breaks my heart all over again. This video describes that so well, you know, minus all the weird ballet battling.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Barton Hollow - Music Monday

I realize it has been a while since you guys have heard from me but I’m back and we have a lot to talk about.

First, let’s start back on the right foot with a Music Monday post. I know that I have posted songs by this group so many times before, but they are just amazing. I am so excited about their first full album release February 1st. So sit back and enjoy Barton Hollow by The Civil Wars while I work on a new post for you guys.