Wednesday, December 8, 2010

My Doctor Should Have Been Billy Mays

This morning when I woke up, before my feet even hit the floor, I knew something was wrong. My head felt as heavy as Dog the Bounty Hunter's wife's boobs. My body was as stiff as Anna Nicole Smith's (bad joke I know but I don't care). My nose was running like Billy Mays' after a coke binge. My temperature high as.....ok I have no catchy saying for this but let's just say I was in no shape to go to work.

I spent the morning trying to come up with ways to breathe without sounding like a hippo that couldn't catch its breath. I slept. Slept some more. I took a dose of something fabulous that made me loopy and I slept some more.

By about 2 p.m. I decided a trip to Urgent Care was in my future. I might as well go today rather than miss more work tomorrow going. When I arrived at Urgent Care I realized there would be nothing urgent or caring about my visit. I called my regular doctor's office and holy crap they could see me right then!

I arrived at the doctor's office and within a matter of minutes my name was being called. WOOHOO. DRUGS COME TO MOMMA! A few minutes later the doctor came in and decided he would test me for everything under the sun. Results: flu-negative, bronchitis-negative, bird flu-negative, South American ostrich appendicitis-negative. Hmmmmm.

After all the results he decides to ask a few more questions and delve deeper into my psyche. Until now I thought my psyche was only full of things like cheesy crab, chocolate milk and Dog the Bounty Hunter. Apparently, not so much. Within 15 minutes I was crying. I don't cry in front of people but I have cried in front of this doctor at least 3 times. I consider it my own personal way of making him as uncomfortable as possible.

After a few "mmhmm's" and just as many "I totally understands" we had a diagnosis. A horrible case of "the crud" and....wait for it.....wait for it..... depression. WTC!!!!

Anyway, without going into too many details, I got a shot in the butt (now my butt is depressed too), some awesome cough medicine and a speech about my happiness mattering just as much as anyone elses, oh and apparently a scrip for some happy pills but I prefer to hit up Billy Mays dealer. Mays was freaking happy and JUST FOR $19.95.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Neon Trees - Animal

This past week I had a boy to totally flip the script on me. He went from being a jerk face, who was interested in nothing but friends with benefits to....well.....I don't know. He is being the sweetest and inviting me to all sort of events that before we would have NEVER gone to together. I promise to have more on this later but for now lets take a look at our Music Monday song.

I have heard this song a million times on commercials for, I think, some cruise line. Every time I heard it I wanted to blow up the television. Saturday, I had just left Walmart when it came on the radio. Right as I was about to turn the station I heard the first line: "Here we go again. I kinda wanna be more than friends". Ummm HELLO!!!!!!! This is exactly what was going on between The Boy and I. We have been going through this for about nine years and at that exact moment I had no idea what he wanted anymore. So here ya go. Enjoy!!!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

I Farted on Santa

I realize I am a little late for music Monday, but you guys need to hear this. I despise Christmas music but this is a must hear.