Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Skanks and Bobsled Teams

Okay if you all could indulge me for just a second, I need to have a talk with Kate Gosselin.

Dear Skanky Kate:

It is no secret around here that I am one of your biggest fans. (Please note the sarcasm). This whole Dancing with the STARS thing has really gotten on my nerves. Now I know that most of the "stars" on this show are majorly B list but you! YOU!!!! You aren't even on the list.

Kate, here are a list of things that you are famous for. You tell me if this qualifies as celebrity status:

  1. You gave birth to two bobsled teams or just one baseball team. Either way it makes you famous cause your parts work. Well la ti freakin' da.
  2. You had a backwards mullet, ON PURPOSE! Listen here in the south it's business in the front and party in the back. I don't know what hairdresser you pissed off but party on the side and business on the other side and flock of seagulls in the back is not how anyone should roll. Well, unless they are rolling straight up out the mental ward.
  3. You flip out on your husband, children, dance partner, paparazzi, dog, cousin, uncle, aunt....Sorry this list could take a while so maybe I should just say you go crazy on everyone.
  4. You apparently screwed your bodyguard. Umm A) Why do you have a bodyguard? Is it to protect you from your own children because seriously no one is coming within miles of the F-ullet ( f'd up mullet)? B) He was probably the last man who would want to come within 50 miles of your cha cha and you screwed it up. And word is that now you are chasing the Hof. Seriously Kate? The Hof? He is one drunken, hamburger eating fiasco away from molesting a dog and you want a piece of that?

I sit here and I read back through and think about your life and all I can think is, are you sure you and Britney Spears aren't related? Maybe you should see if you could setup a play date between all the kids. God knows it would be better on them to meet now rather than in some therapist office in a few years.

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