Me: I think I have consumption an I'm going to die in a heap of rags all dramatic like.
The Midget: I sincerely do not want you to shuffle off this mortal coil. But I know that if you did, it would totally be the best death EVER.
Me: I intend for there to be PLENTY of weeping and wailing. And maybe string instruments.
The Midget: I will tear my clothes asunder in utter, inconsolable grief.
Me: Awesome. I'll put you in the program. I need someone to gnash their teeth, too. Maybe The Cupcake Slayer? Just make sure to pay her by giving her dibs on all my stuff.
The Midget: Good thinking. Do you want us to serve red, white, or blush?
Me: Whatever goes best with pizza rolls.