After crying for a total of 18 of the past 24 hours I lost all good judgment and answered the phone when J called. He was sweet and I was lonely. The kind of lonely where you feel like you are the only person who even exists. The kind of lonely where you pick up the phone just to call anyone who might answer. The kind of lonely where you lay in bed and talk for two hours to the ceiling hoping that somehow God is hearing you. Loneliness so deep and dark that you find yourself reaching across the bed hoping to find a hand to hold or shoulder to cry on, but instead you find nothing.